I went out to lunch with some friends, and my credit card was declined. I was annoyed, because the credit card company's Fraud Protection Service seems determined to always protect me from my lunch. I don't go to Panera Bread anymore unless I have cash, because every.single.time I go there, my card gets shut off. So, when my card was declined, in front of my friends and a long line of people, I thought that HSBC had determined that I was also to be protected from Indian food.
When I got back and called in, however, I found that there were several fradulent charges on my card. One for some random Chinese buffet. One from Rite Aid. Two from Giant Foods.
This was distressing on two counts.
One, someone had gotten ahold of my credit card and used it for their own nefarious purposes. If the credit card company wasn't so on the ball, protecting me from scammers as well as sandwiches, this could have been a Big Problem.
Two...even my stolen identity, doppelganger, shadow self isn't very interesting. The Chinese Buffet? Rite Aid? The grocery store - twice in one day?
Yawn.
I feel that if I'm to have an alternate identity, at least that identity should be interesting. Shady. If someone is going to use my credit card without my permission, I want it put to good use. Not toothpaste and air fresheners at Rite Aid.
So, after all that excitement, I was primed for some good at-home time.
And did Elizabeth ever deliver.
After a shaky start, she suddenly morphed into this helpful, sunshiny, cleaning-up, little sister loving angel child.
She picked up all her little sister's books. She helped sort and hang up clothes. She picked up all her books, and the toys in her bedroom, and put things away in the correct place.
I don't know what happened, but I liked it.
Then, both girls threw pretty much the most awesome tea party in the history of history. Its awesomeness was compounded because I got to lie on Elizabeth's bed, while they ran back and forth with little plastic Disney dishes and teapots, dispensing imaginary beverages and birthday cake (and rice. A meal isn't a meal without rice in this house).
The food was, of course, pretend. But, since one of the beverages fetched for me was "Real milk, choco moo juice, apple juice and crystal cold water, all mixed together," that's probably more than ok.
Food alone does not a tea party make, however. Elizabeth provided musical entertainment, with a rendition of what may be my new favorite song: "Mommy is the Best," to the tune of "Farmer in the Dell." Juliet followed up with a show-stopping version of "Mama mama maaaaama." Only one word, but oddly compelling. The show closed with a dance number that contained "Kissing Bits." Kissing bits are breaks in the action where the dancer runs to the audience and kisses them. I like Kissing Bits. I think Bon Jovi should add them to his concerts. That would motivate me to shell out $1K+ for front row seating.
After all the excitement, though, it was hard to wait for dinner. Juliet decided to take matters in to her own hands.
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| That is parmesean cheese. She got the container open, poured some on the plate, and ate it with a spoon while waiting for dinner. I probably should have taken it away, but I didn't. I brought her olives. It's OK. |
Helpful, hyper girl stayed for dinner. Her dinner, though, gave her Hopping Hiccups. Hopping hiccups are much cooler than normal hiccups, because you don't just hiccup, you also hop.
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| Hopping is even cooler when your shoes glow. |
I have a theory. My theory is that my Delware identity thief set in motion some kind of large-scale, Freaky Friday-esque chain of events. When they took my credit card and used it for evil (evil groceries, evil personal care items), that bad karma caused some of the negatives from my life to transfer to them, so they had to absorb it along with my plastic. As a result, they sucked away the whiny, cry-y, temper tantrum craziness that has been littering our homestead, and I was left with Happy Hopping Hiccups girl and musical entertainment at my reclining tea party.
No tantrums, assigning herself chores and willingly allowing her sister to watch the cartoons she wants? That's worth a little credit card fraud any day.
